


You and I, against the time

by chibi_usagi



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Neallen Week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-24 17:45:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19728640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_usagi/pseuds/chibi_usagi
Summary: They are longing for each other without realizing it. What happens when one of them makes one simple wish?... Will the time finally show them mercy?Written for Neallen Week 2019!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~!  
> I'm here with my contribution to Neallen Week. As usual, I couldn't exclude angst from the scheme, it just came to me... naturally. But the work in itself will also contain a few fluffier moments, part of my version of what could have been in the past. I really hope you enjoy it and I will happily bring updates daily, or as my time allows me to.  
> The first chapter is mainly focused on Past Allen and Nea's possible interactions and relationship. 
> 
> Today's prompts are Past&Present/Travel. I wished to include travel as well, but it didn't really go well with what I had in mind for the following days. I'll make sure to write something else for this prompt~ And I promise it will be fluffy! OuO  
> Enjoy~!

He sat alone in the middle of a world of black and white, so different from his own. Darkness lingered in anything and everything, lacing with pure white snowflakes that silently made their way to the ground, forming a soft blanket. The man remained motionless as the ghost of a smile appeared on his face. He laughed bitterly at the sight of black and white mingling with each other. This world was, in a way, the embodiment of Allen and him... where he was the merciless, pitch black night, threatening to devour everything, losing touch with all that was humane, and Allen was the white innocent snow that silently sought to ease his solitude. To comfort him. To remind him of what he used to be. Golden eyes slipped closed as he allowed himself to sink into the soft snow. Countless thoughts rushed back at him, swirling in his mind one after another, calling for him. He didn't mind. Not at all.

  
After a while, the cold surrounding him was replaced by a soft warmth. The source of that warmth? He did not know it. Even so, something felt certain to the Noah... this warmth was by no means something to fear. It felt like the embrace of an old friend welcoming him back home. One name slipped past the young Noah's lips as he drifted off to a state that was neither sleep, nor awareness. His voice was merely a whisper, yet the feelings he conveyed were strong. Familiarity. Gratitude. Appreciation. Love. All for that very specific person, all through a simple name which, to him, held more importance than the world itself.

  
"Allen..."

* * *

Next time he opened his eyes, Nea found himself resting in the place he adored the most – Cornelia. Awakened by the most gentle touch of the wind that danced through his hair, it took some time until he realized that he wasn’t alone. Someone was definitely with him. Watching him from right under the tree. Silver eyes glinted with fondness when they met his, although their true beauty couldn't really be perceived thanks to a pair of ridiculously huge glasses. Long red hair fluttered in the wind, as soft-looking as silk, while a smile as dazzling as the sun graced his pale features.

  
"Ah! You're finally awake," the redhead exclaimed joyfully, the tone of his voice as melodious as ever. It was always good to wake up to such a beautiful voice. "Good morning, Nea~"

  
Eyes narrowing, the dark haired young man stared for a while at the sun that was clearly setting. He automatically lifted a brow in confusion and tried to mutter a simple "But it's not morning, Allen-" He failed miserably. His voice hoarse after the presumably long sleep, he gestured helplessly, asking for a glass of water.  
Allen snorted at Nea's almost desperate movements and, lifting a finger to his lips, he gazed towards the large tray filled with water glasses. "I knew you'd need water when you woke up, so I brought lots!" The redhead's statement pulled a satisfied grin from Nea. He was so glad that Allen was around at times like these. He was a real pleasure to talk to. They could talk for hours, about anything and everything. About wars, about peace, about creation and distruction, about beginnings and endings, thousands of them, all in different lights, from different sides. Allen knew them all. The stories he shared, no one else could even dream to share. The experience he had, no man could even hope to obtain. And even so, his heart remained pure. Untainted. That's one of the multiple reasons why Nea admired his friend. But above all, he had to admit, he loved Allen for making his solitude feel even a tiny bit less painful.

  
"Come down here, it feels really nice~!" The cheerful tone interrupted his train of thoughts and reminded him of how thirsty he was. Under normal circumstances, he would have prefered to sit on Cornelia as he drank his water, but if Allen invited him so nicely, well... he could make an exception this time.

  
Jumping off of the tree, he landed with absolute precision and snatched one glass of water from the tray. Then one more. The third and the fourth one weren't really a necessity for him, but water felt really soothing for his burning throat, so he figured he'd just drink anyway. Allen silently watched him until he finished, his expression content. Then he crouched down beside the tree and gestured for Nea to do the same. Soon enough, they found themselves enjoying one moment of intimate silence as the sun fully sunk into the golden fields. They sat close to each other, Nea's head resting against the redhead's shoulder. His thoughts seemed to be far away as he absently played with Allen's hair, gently twining his fingers in the other's locks.

  
"Hey, Allen?" Nea finally decided to break the silence, eyes slowly moving up to meet the redhead's gaze.

  
"Hm? What is it?" came the natural response, as Allen abandoned the book he was reading somewhere nearby. His attention then shifted to Nea.

  
"It's a weird thing to ask, but" the dark haired man trailed off as he thought of an appropriate wording for his question. "Have you been calling out to me? I have a feeling I kept hearing your voice in my dream, but I'm not sure if it was really a dream-"

  
"I did call for you. But no matter what I did, you wouldn't wake up, you wouldn't even move," the redhead confessed with a huff. "So I decided to wait until you came back from the dream world~"

  
Lips curving up into a proud smile, Nea replied "I knew it. I knew I heard your voice."

  
"Did I disturb your sleep?" Allen muttered, adopting a questionable stance. Nea frowned, and it took all of his willpower to not nudge him.

  
"No. Your voice never disturbs me. It's calming and beautiful." The frankness in Nea's tone pulled a faint blush from Allen. God bless the glasses for being there to serve as a mask to his now flustered face. Otherwise, Nea would never shut up.

  
"Thank you. This makes me happy." He was suprised, and rightfully so, that his voice hadn't wavered at all as he spoke. He let out a sigh. That was a close call. Then he suddenly remembered he also had an important question for his friend. "So... do you remember what your dream was about?"

  
The question was sudden and it made Nea pause to think, his head tilting to a side, in a gesture that Allen had come to know all too well. "What I dreamed about?"

  
"You told me you heard my voice in your dream," the redhead clarified. "I was wondering if you remembered anything else. The dark haired man moved slightly, but didn't break the contact between them. He liked being this close to Allen after all.

  
"I don't really remember anything else," Nea confessed with a hum. "It was a strange dream, that's all I can tell."

  
"I see. Then... I guess we could ignore it. But Nea?"

  
His gaze turned serious. "Yes, I know. I'll tell you if I sense anything out of place." Allen shot him a thankful look. This was one of the many reasons why he liked spending time with the man. Sometimes, he would be the one to anticipate the redhead's needs, just like Allen did for him on various occasions.

...Little did he know that the dream he had had... would turn out to be the very premonition of a dark, unsettling future.

* * *

Ever since Mana started drifting away from him, he'd spend hours with Allen, in the library or outside, or maybe just laying on the sofa at the end of the day, watching the sunset together. He would find pleasure in reading the books Allen recommended, although he wouldn't consider himself an enthusiastic reader.  
One day, when he was instructed by Allen to pick a certain book and wait for his return, he made a real mess of the library, since the redhead never told him that the mentioned book wasn't even in the library in the first place. It was in his room.

  
Brought about by the unmistakable sound of something falling apart and by the unnecessary loud shriek following it, the redhead felt how his soul had started detaching itself from the body at the sight of Nea swimming in a sea of books.

  
"My... researches. These books... they were ordered alphabetically-" There was horror in his eyes which soon got replaced by an intense glare. "It took me HOURS to get this arrangement done, Nea, what in the world were you thinking??"

  
The dark haired man struggled to get further away from Allen, that is, until his back met one of the lower bookshelves and forced him to stop. No good. He could sense murderous intent coming from the redhead. It was faint, but it was still there and it made him shiver.

  
After a while, Nea snapped. "Where is that book you recommended for today anyway?! I've been looking for it for the past half an hour!"

  
"Well, these were sorted properly! If you couldn't find it here upon your first try, consider looking for it in my room, thank you very much!" His arms crossed and a relatively angry pout on his face, Allen looked away from the man, and then to the floor. He picked up the largest book he could find and patted Nea's head with it.

  
"Oww-" was the natural reaction, followed by a pout of his own.

  
"You're cleaning," the redhead demanded in his usual calm tone, part of him amused, but trying his best not to show it. "I'll be waiting for you in the study room. DON'T even think of running away from this one!"

  
A groan escaped from Nea's throat as he watched Allen go. He scratched his head in annoyance, glaring at the books with narrowed eyes. "Next time you fall on my watch, I'll make sure you pay-!"

  
It took him another half an hour or so, to rearrange the whole shelf, but once he did, he headed for the study room with a proud grin pulling at the corners of his lips. Allen was there, casually sipping from his tea, as promised. The only difference is that this time he had brought Mana too. The twins exchanged a few glances and smiled at each other before they both took a seat near the redhead and Mana's arm rested around Nea's shoulders. They remained silent, waiting for Allen to finish his tea.

  
Once he was done, he placed the empty cup on the coffee table in an elegant manner, turning his full attention to the two men in front of him. "You're probably wondering why I decided to call both of you here, am I right?" He was smiling. Did something good happen?

  
"Knowing you, maybe you're going to tell us you've made the greatest discovery yet," Nea joked, to which Allen replied with a playful "nope~" before throwing in further details.

  
"You remember what you've asked me weeks ago? Nea especially. Knowing our current situation, and thinking it might turn out to be a huge help, you requested me to talk to my scientist friend. About a new type of golem."

  
"Uwaah!! Is it done already?" both of them asked with sheer excitement dancing in their eyes, practically cornering Allen on the couch.

  
Allen shot them a beaming smile in return, while he totally didn't mind the closeness and reached out towards a small bag from under the table. "This," he said as he proceeded to open the bag, "is Timcanpy. I hope you're gonna be good friends with him~"

  
The twins leaned in to peek at the being that sat motionless inside. The golem was a beautiful shade of gold and every detail, from its small body to its wings, then his curly tail seemed to please both Nea and Mana. They stared in awe, muttering words of praise for the work of art. Suddenly, the small golem awakened from his slumber and went about the room, frantically searching.

  
"Oh- He's probably investigating the teritory," Allen commented with a chuckle. "He's a smart boy. He should get used to the mansion soon. Try calling for him, any of you."

  
The first that said his name was of course Nea. He looked really impressed with their new little friend and definitely wanted to get closer to him. "Come here, Timcanpy!" Stopping mid air, the golden newcomer turned his attention to the voice he had heard. He excitedly flew back to the couch, finding himself a good nest on top of Nea's head...

  
"Whoa, he really came to you!! He's so cute~!" Mana exclaimed, giggling. "Now, Timcanpy," he said, managing to catch the golem's attention. "My name is Mana. This one you're resting on is my brother, Nea. Welcome to our home~!" Timcanpy seemed to analyze the two of them for a moment, comparing them silently. Then, with a small 'graa' of acceptance, he left his place on Nea's head to come rest on Mana's shoulder instead.

  
"I feel betrayed. It hurts." At that, Allen laughed softly, reassuring Nea that Tim liked them both.

  
"But really. Your friend is a genius!" Nea complimented, his eyes glinting with fascination. "I want to meet him and thank him-"

  
"You don't." the redhead interrupted swiftly, with a dramatic cough. "Trust me. You really don't."

  
They continued their peaceful conversation and the room filled with laughters as Allen narrated a few of his experiences with his unusual friend. He seemed... interesting based on the redhead's description, and a little bit too excentric. When Mana jokingly asked Allen about how he had met him, well... he prefered to keep the comments to a minimum.

* * *

How satisfying it would have been, and how perfectly fitting... if their lives had remained simple, just like that. But on one fateful morning, as Nea woke up to a horrible headache, he noticed a row of stigmatas had appeared on his forehead. They were like fresh wounds and he couldn't see clearly. Moreover, he could barely stand. Both his eyes and his skin had changed their colors, gaining a darker aspect. He was a Noah. And completely unprecedented. A stranger.

Allen had stayed by his side the whole night, desperately trying to ease his pain and offer him a good sleep. His last good sleep. That memory... it still hurt to think of it. About how he needed to run. How every single day of his life had become a race for his life. About how he soon lost his most important people and himself. To the merciless specter of war. Both Noah and Innocence... were wicked. Beings consumed by madness. He tried to change that and failed. His resolution failed. He ached to go back in time, towards that memory of a burning hot sunset. Back to the time when there was nothing to disturb him, just his loved ones and Cornelia, the place where he could listen to the wind.

  
"Nea! Answer me, Nea! Nea!!"

  
A voice... calling for him? Who was it? It felt so familiar and so warm. His eyelids fluttered helplessly as he tried to took towards the owner of the voice. He saw red. So much red. Flames danced everywhere, alarming and set to destroy. His body felt limp and he could barely move anymore.

  
"Al...len. Why are you...here? Run away... plea...se." His words were barely audible. It hurt to look at him. It hurt to breathe the air that he was breathing.

  
"Are you telling me to let you die here?? I won't... I will never do... such a thing!" His calm demeanor long gone, Allen kneeled and embraced the Noah, as a single hot tear ran down his cheek. The redhead simply held him in his arms, warmth surging through them both, yet... it wasn't quite enough. "Nea. I resolved to protect you. You and Mana are like my family. Whatever I can do to help you, I will do."

  
"I can't... be saved any..more."

  
"You can." He inhaled softly, nuzzling against Nea's chest before he stood back up. "Nea... use me. Your memories... I will protect them until you return. No matter what!"

  
"I... can't do this to..you." He attempted a glare, but even that felt nearly impossible. "You... are you trying to throw... your life away... for the likes of me?"

  
"I want you to live on, Nea. I want you to reach your goal. I believe your path is the right one. Not to mention..." The redhead trailed off, confusing him. Nea reached out and Allen took his hand almost automatically. Golden and silver met one another, one pleading, the other filled with resolve.

  
"I love you," the redhead whispered. "Your stubborness, your goofiness, your maturity... the way you smile, the way you laugh, your little head tilt that you rubbed off on me. Your way of thinking and everything else. I want to be the one who keeps them alive..."

  
Silence. But the red tears that uncontrollably ran down Nea's face served as a proof of him understanding the message.

  
"Will you... grant my wish? Nea."

  
He did. And in that moment, he swore to himself... that he will end the war. He won't turn back. He'll save Mana and bring him back home. So that Allen's sacrifice wouldn't be in vain.

* * *

Before he knew it, he was back to the black and white world. Whatever was before it shattered to pieces, leaving him with nothing else but bitter regrets. The Allen he knew and the Allen of now... they were completely different, yet somehow similar. Something about them felt undeniably similar.

  
"Hey, Allen. Won't you come back to me? I need you." A deep frown pulled at the corners of his lips as he played the same words in the back of his head. The words that Allen had told him a long time ago. They still resounded in the back of his mind, like a melody in which love, hope and hellish despair waltzed together.

  
"Back then, you were the only one. The only one who dared to give me hope. You sacrificed everything for my sake. And yet now-" A gentle touch upon the carpet of snow surrounding him, he looked as if he was about to cry. But he didn't. Even tears got tired of him and refused to come out. "Now we are enemies... and I'm in a bind. But you know, Allen? We can go back to how we were, if that is what you desire, too."

  
The white haired's words were like a puzzle in his mind. He remembered them piece by piece, yet they didn't seem to fit with one another. _I am Allen Walker! An exorcist! I will never become the 14th!_ He gritted his teeth. That name... how he hated it. And to think Allen would get to call him that set every single part of his body on fire. The fire of rage.

  
_I love the Church where Lenalee and the others are at. My home..._ that was what the current Allen had said. He saw it thanks to Timcanpy. He took his time to understand and accept that the Allen he knew was no longer around. And yet... Why did it feel so wrong? The Noah pushed back his irritation, closing his eyes once more. 

  
"What have they done to you?..."

  
His only relief were the words he'd come to hear afterwards. They were comforting. He found them painfully funny, too. Because Allen had been the one to know him best. _I want to know about the 14th. Because... I know nothing at all!_

  
"You're a curious one, Allen. Right now, you are wandering between two sides, unable to decide between them. You want both and you want none. You feel like something's wrong too, right?" A chuckle went past his lips as he remembered his oath to never turn back and accomplish his goal. "What am I doing, really. Our time is running out, and yet-" He took a deep breath and tried anticipating Allen's next move. His own next move. He was met by uncertainty and a slight glimmer of hope that mingled with it. His expectations. Was he really allowed to believe in them?

  
_The 14th... Nea. I will search for you._

  
"Are you sure, Allen?" he asked, just to receive no answer in return. He couldn't understand why... he wanted his friend back, but the hurt in his chest never ceased when he thought about this Allen disappearing. Suffering. He'd suffered enough, he thought. It's _**enough**_.

  
"I will take all of your pain upon myself from now on, just like you took my pain upon you back then," he declared, gazing up at the snowflakes that charmingly flickered above him. "So please. Come back to me."

  
_I need you._  
_And you need me._

-To be continued-


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen suddenly finds himself in a room he has no recollection of. Guided by the voice of his past, he walks through a certain door. The secret he discovered there... what will Allen choose to do with it...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!!  
> The second part is here~ Today's prompts were Dream/Memories, a theme I am particularly fond of. This is a chapter that I managed to write in one go, that's how hyped I was about it, and this idea wouldn't leave my mind no matter what I did. I wanted to add certain details to it afterwards, but I figured I could also leave it at just this. And of course, I could't omit a... special detail that always turns me into an emotional mess x33  
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too~!!

The white haired boy awakened in an unfamiliar chamber, decorated with what seemed like dozens of books, some bigger, some smaller than the others. They filled the bookshelves and continued on the floor, the smell of them flooding the space, invading his nostrils. There were small potted flowers here and there. Whoever lived in this house seemed to know how to take care of them. He couldn't pretend not to observe the perfectly folded cranes which gracefully hung down from the only chandelier. He tried to count them, but failed each time. They were too many for his eyes to distinguish. The light was somehow dim, yet it gave off a relaxing vibe. The bedsheets were soft to touch and they welcomed him, begging him to stay for just a bit longer. But a question lingered in the back of his mind, and with it, the white haired young man felt the anxiety slowly building up in his chest.

  
"Whose room is this?" he asked and was met only by the echo of his voice. Something pushed him out of the bed, like an invisible force, and he couldn't oppose the need to wander and touch the various objects in the room. To him, this was no normal dream. Not after what he had experienced during the last month. This vision, too, must have contained one hidden truth. Hoping to understand what or who led him here in the first place, Allen proceeded to look through the books. Anything was fine. A clue. The covers. One page among a million others. The books... they were so many, his research could last a lifetime. 

  
_Seriously, who reads this much?!_ he snapped in his mind. He figured it wouldn't do any good to just yell out of nowhere in a place he had no recollection of. And that is when he heard them. Three voices came from across the hallway nearby his room. One, he identified as Nea's and immediately felt a chill go down his spine at the thought of being trapped by him again. But that didn't seem to be the case this time. The second voice, he couldn't recognize, but felt a certain pang in his chest at how it felt to listen to it. As for the third...  
It hurt so much when he finally realized it sounded so similar to his own.

  
What is it that he should be doing? Why was he here? Could he escape, or was he lost forever? Where to run? Where was the exit? He wanted to go back. Back to reality. He needed more time, time to understand, time to fight, he wanted to survive-

  
Calm down, a soft, low voice resounded out of thin air. _You're okay. Just go_ , they instructed, with no further explanation. And then, there was silence again. Allen couldn't stand this kind of silence. There was no voice to guide him anymore, as even the few ones from outside had died out.

  
"Where to go?" he tried his luck one more time, then waited. His limbs were trembling, teeth and fists clenched. He waited. For anything that could help him out of this mess. The answer that followed, however, held no proper guidance, nor did it make his uneasiness waver.

  
_Follow your heart. And you'll know where your next stop is._

  
Next thing he knew, his legs started moving on their own, as if he were entranced. At first, it all felt as if he were a puppet on strings and his master was calling for him. Something urged him to leave the mysterious chamber, pushing him further and further down the somehow large corridors of the mansion. Allen struggled to keep his steps light, as he feared he would be exposed otherwise. His mind moved back and forth between expectation and restlessness, but he couldn't stop. _Is this going to serve as an answer to any of my questions?_ Two more steps. Then there. Four. A dozen. His goal became clearer. Another room. A door that he was so close to opening. _Will I suffer if I figure out this answer?_

  
He stopped short at the sound of the voices from earlier. His legs seemed to have returned to normal. He couldn't say the same about his heartbeat though. Right now, the throb in his chest made his blood turn to ice. "That voice. That is Nea's-" he whispered as he leaned forward to listen closely to whatever conversation the Noah had. "Who is he talking to?" But oh, how he regretted asking that question. For the voice he perceived from behind the door was not the mysterious one he hadn't recognized. The voice he heard right now was none other than his own. Part of him felt fear. For a second, it was difficult for him to breathe. He wanted to back off. To run away at the thought of getting erased. But he was close. So close to finding out the truth he ached to know. 

  
"I want to know... about you and me." His eyelids slipped closed and he lingered. A slight warmth flowed through his whole body as he listened, managing to pull a peaceful smile from him. Allen didn't really understand why, but in that moment, it seemed like all of his previous doubts and fears had turned to dust. "Are you happy? Nea." the white haired asked with a chuckle, not really expecting anything in return. His attention then fully shifted to whatever was happening behind the closed door.

  
"So what did you want to show me?" Allen still flinched a little at the sound of the voice. He was listening to himself... No, the 'him' from another time. If that's the case, then why was he still a teenager? What could have happened to him, and when did it happen? What had been the trigger?

  
He snapped back to reality by the time he heard Nea's voice. "I wanted to show you this. I already gave it to Timcanpy, but... I want you to have it, too."

  
"The score- Is it handwritten?" It wasn't difficult to discern the fascination that laced in the other's tone as he spoke. _The score_... He must be talking about the song of the Ark. Nea really trusted him if he could go as far as to let him have it.

  
"It is. What do you think? Mana and I worked on it for the whole night!" The pride with which he spoke. It was somehow endearing to hear him as excited, Allen thought. This was a Nea whom he used to know. The Nea who wasn't trying to destroy him from within.

  
"It looks really pretty~ Aesthetically pleasing, I could say. But these symbols...?"

  
"Signs that I invented together with Mana. They're our language. And Allen?"

  
He hummed in response, and although the white haired had already anticipated Nea's next words, it still made his heartbeat fasten.

  
"From today on, they're yours, too." At this point, the white haired man wished he could phase through objects the way Tyki did. He couldn't bear another second of waiting. He wanted to see. How close were they? How far away? What was written on their faces? The longing with which he pressed his whole body closer to the door was something beyond his control. And before he knew it,...

  
...he had pushed the door open. Needless to say, Allen felt like he could die right that instant, but he calmed down when he noticed that the other two hadn't moved an inch even though there was an intruder in their room. He slowly moved to close the door, as he couldn't simply believe that he was invisible to them. And even if he was, the door couldn't have opened on its own.

  
"Will you play it? Right now?" Allen gasped at the question, and his hand remained motionless on the doorknob. Was Nea going to play it? If so, then he'd get to hear the song with his sound. The melody could be the same, but Allen was sure he'd remark a difference in their styles.

  
"Only if you'll listen," the Noah answered shortly, looking at Allen from the corner of his eye. Then he found himself smirking. Of course Allen would listen. He always did. Even to the most trivial matters. He listened until the end. "I'm joking. I'll start now."

  
Elegant, slender fingers brushed against the piano keys, caressing them gently before he began his performance. For a brief moment, the white haired noticed a pair of silver eyes identical to his own landing on him. The redhead shot him a knowing smile before turning his attention back to Nea. _He knows I'm here_ , Allen thought, alarmed. But his thoughts dissipated soon enough, as the tranquil sound of the piano floated around the room, accompanied by the gentle breeze that came through the window.

_I was right. It sounds different-_ Everything from the way he touched the keys, to the way his frame moved slightly as he played, to his half-lidded eyes attendively following the score, although Allen could bet he didn't even need to... every single detail carried along a vibe that could only be Nea's. The white haired remembered it all as he listened. His experience on the Ark, the turmoil in his mind as he spotted the shadow of the Noah in the mirror. The way his fingers stiffened when he played the same song himself, yet he couldn't stop them. He felt afraid. Because he knew nothing at all. But now that he was there to see this side of Nea, honestly, he was mesmerized by him. _Why should I disappear_ , he asked himself, _if I could as well fight alongside him?_ Tears welled up in his eyes as he kept listening to harmony of sounds. His mind was a pain. He wished he could stop the flow of thoughts. At least until he managed to ease the pain in his heart.

_Why won't you let me stay with you, Nea?_

  
By the time the song was over, Allen once again felt the warmth from before. It was somehow stronger this time, but it didn't cause any trouble to him.

  
"What do you think?" the Noah asked, turning to study the redhead's expression. Allen seemed to be pleased with the result.

  
"Flawless... simply flawless," he muttered, while staring at the piano in awe.

  
With a satisfied grin pulling at the corners of his lips, Nea suggested the most unexpected thing. "Say, Allen. Don't you want to be the one to play the vocal part?" Golden eyes were suddenly fixed on him, almost pleading. "It's lonely with just a melody."

  
Taken aback by the sudden request, the redhead struggled with his words. "Eh-? Are you serious-- I mean-... Why me?"

  
"Because your voice is fitting. The most fitting." Allen watched him with wide eyes, still perplexed. "That's what I think."

  
Taking Nea's words into consideration, he seemed too allow his mind to slip deep in thought, his eyes wandering between the large instrument in front of him and its owner. By the time he realized he had let the silence last for longer than intended, he opened his mouth to speak up again, still somewhat unsure. "I suppose I could sing, if that's what you want. But what if I get some parts wrong?"

  
"You won't. I'm sure of it."

  
But right before Nea started playing again, a familiar gold colored winged ball passed through the largely opened window and landed on top of Nea's head, earning a genuine laughter from him.

  
"Timcanpy! Have you come to listen to Nea too~?" Although his voice might have sounded cheerful, the redhead couldn't stop himself from looking back at the white haired man who stood near the door. It wasn't difficult to notice the mortified look the younger man had on his face. And no one could blame him, really. Right now, he was looking at his comrade. A comrade whom he'd lost. Except in this time, the golem wasn't really his, nor was he able to see him, which made everything even more bitter. Allen simply watched as Timcanpy nuzzled against Nea's forehead, then let himself fall on the piano. The bond between the two of them was so evident that the white haired felt crushed. His legs urged him to go to them, but something held him in place. He knew that if he were to go, he would really crumble before them.

  
_I see,..._ he thought. _So he was in fact yours, Nea. Huh. How weird. It feels like the life I've lived until now has been nothing but a huge lie..._

  
_Tim was Nea's, indeed. He was created for Nea,_ the voice he'd heard before interrupted his thoughts. Allen could hear it clearly now. It was his own voice. The voice of the other him. _But you see. He was my friend, too. And Mana's. He was ours. The fact that Tim loved you deeply... was not a lie._

  
No response. He seemed to accept the redhead's words, though. Allen's eyes remained glued to the floor until the gentle sound of Nea's piano pulled him out of his lethargic state. As the vocal part came in, he understood who had sung the lyrics in the back of his mind on the Ark. It was himself and no other. He knew the song. A long, so long time ago. Even before he met Mana. Even before he was born.

  
Tears were running down his face, uncontrollable. Aggressive. Burning hot. He couldn't see anything at all, but his lips moved in perfect sync with the melody Nea dictated. No sounds came out, but he continued anyway. He had to unleash the grief while he could. The grief of having been robbed of everything he loved...

_No matter how many prayers are returned to the earth,_  
_I shall continue to pray._  
_Please, give this child love,_  
_And a kiss on the joined hands._

With the song coming to an end once again, soft chuckles could be heard. Allen looked right through the moment, his eyes still unfocused. _The song was **ours**_ , he repeated to himself. _Our sound. Our bond. And it must be even more..._

  
"Nea, Tim is crying!"

The two actors in front of him resumed their usual conversation so naturally, as if nothing had happened. Nea's golden eyes flickered towards the golem, curiosity and apology mingled within them. He let out the brightest of laughs after staring at his smaller partner for what seemed like half a minute. "Wai- How does this even work?? You can cry? Aaaah, I'm sorry, Timcanpy-!" He struggled to wipe the tears from whatever they came, while Timcanpy playfully bit his fingers as if to say "This is what you get for making me emotional!"

  
"He's really such a soft boy, isn't that so?" Allen commented, tone laced with amusement, while fondly stroking the golem's head.

  
"Soft or not, he's biting me, do something, Allen," Nea whinned hopelessly, for he didn't seem to be able to remove Tim from his hand on his own. Before the redhead could even attempt to remove him, however, the playful friend willingly stopped with the bites, switching to a much more comfy mode, nuzzling against the hand he had bitten. The mood had once again become light, filled with genuine affection. The three of them together... they were so fitting for one another.

  
As his eyes gradually focused on the scene, the white haired could see and feel the family-like vibe and it made him smile. There was melancholy resting in those silver orbs of his, as he wished he could have been a part of this world, too, not just a spectator of it. He wished he could stay... and once again live every single one of the moments he still had to see.

  
_Can you stay for longer?_

  
The redhead's voice resounding in his head was a common occurence by now, bui still, Allen startled. The question came out of nowhere, and exactly after he had made that wish. Could he trust his heart on this decision?

  
_What will you do if I say I can?_ Across the room, he spotted the long haired man smirking lightly. He knew that he could manage to convince Allen with this heartwarming scene. This was his plan all along. And yet... the white haired didn't really mind it.

  
_I'd show you everything I love. But we need to change locations first._

  
Before the whole decor of the room crumbled into the void, Allen caught one last exchange between his past self and Nea.

  
"Are you going to the library again today?" the Noah asked, leaning onto the chair, his stare fixated on the other man.  
"Hmm... maybe. Or maybe not~ We can go outside if you want."  
"Share your book with me, maybe?" A grin. And an excited one, indeed. What was that book about? The white haired couldn't help but wonder.  
"Of course! But can you keep up with my speed~?"  
"Challenge accepted-"

  
Before he knew, Allen found himself floating in the darkness, staring at red haired man. The lively conversation from before was nothing but an echo lingering far away.

  
"If you want to turn back, now is your chance."

  
"...No. Let's go to our next stop."

  
Determination in his voice, he grabbed this one chance he had to gain more knowledge. He was uncertain as of what could have triggered the dream, but he resolved to get the best out of it, racing against the time, towards an old story long forgotten.

-To be continued-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this came out well ;;;;;  
> As always, if you liked the chapter, I'm more than happy to read your comments! And also... yes, yes, I'm really sorry :') Tomorrow should be less angsty.  
> I hope QUQ


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen finally receives the answers he needs in order to move forward. Yet he decides to ask one more thing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~!   
> Today's chapter is finally here!! (Really...finally.) My eyes have seen LOTS of fanart during the last few weeks, so... while writing the funnier parts, I added whatever I found pleasing within those arts I checked. I hope it is alright.  
> The prompts for today were Symbolism/Bonds. I feel like this chapter was the most difficult to write yet. Honestly, I had so many plans for today, and all different, my mind is not cooperative at all right now. I hope it doesn't feel rushed by the end and... other than that, I guess all I could say is  
> Enjoy! :3

In the middle of a pitch black void, two silhouettes faced each other, confronting their past, contemplating their loss. One had a long red hair, loosely tied at the back with a simple bow. His attire was quite simple, yet it carried an amount of elegance. He looked older and much more experienced, his eyes had seen both war and peace. He had a purity of his own, and a certain kind of darkness in his aura. The other one wore a hair as white as fresh snow and the scars of a unfortunate past had been carved onto his face. His outfit emanated maturity, yet his soul was that of an innocent, trying to save the world while discarding himself. Right now, he was seeking nothing but the truth. And the person mirroring him was there to offer it.

  
Allen took a few steps closer to the redhead, studying him from head to toe. His hair. The color was the same as the one he used to have years ago. It looked really soft and he honestly wanted to touch it, but pulled his hand back as soon as he realized that he wasn't particularly close to the man. He knew nothing about him. Except for him being really close to Nea, as he assumed.

  
"You're staring... have you changed your mind?" the man asked, tilting his head as he looked deep into Allen's eyes.

  
Allen jumped back with a start. "Ah-- I was just looking... at your hair..."

  
"My hair...? Aah~ I got it." He took hold of Allen's hand and allowed him to twine his fingers through his locks. "It's the same as yours. Or how yours used to be. That's what you wanted to say, am I right?" He then shot the white haired man a kind, understanding smile.

  
Allen gulped and let out a short "Yes" in return, then lowered his gaze, so that he wouldn't have to maintain the eye contact. Those glasses. Were they an instrument to help his past self read literally every single one of his thoughts?

  
Minutes passed in awkward silence before Allen decided to speak up again. The redhead resolved to wait for as long as his younger self needed to, since he knew that this step would most likely be the biggest one in his life.

  
"So where do we start from?" the white haired finally asked, not sure of what he could expect next.

  
"Wherever you want us to go, we will go." Allen blinked in confusion at that. He felt certain the other had said that he would show him the moments that were important to him. So why change the plan now?

  
"I did say that I would show you what I liked the most. But then again, I want to offer you the liberty to choose the information you want to receive." Allen narrowed his eyes at the prompt answer. Clearly. It was the glasses. They had special powers.

  
"Don't give me that look," the redhead scolded. "To a degree, I'm still you. And you are me. Obviously, I'd be able to anticipate the way you think."

  
Allen let out a resigned sigh at that. His past self had a point, but... he still felt quite uncomfortable with his intrusions. Even if they were helpful at times. "So you say I can ask you whatever I want and you'll show me?"

  
"If your question is one that I can answer, then yes. But judging from your expression, what you want to know first is-"

  
"How did you and Nea meet?" The question came right on time and Allen felt victorious for once. The look of surprise that his old self wore on his face was soon followed by a genuine little laugh that echoed in the empty space. Allen arched a brow, but figured he wouldn't comment anything.

  
"That's a good question," the redhead allowed. "The best, actually. For the beginning of our journey, that is." With that, he turned around, gesturing for Allen to follow him as a new scenery started to form around them. The sweet, somehow melancholic scenery of their first memory.

  
It was the Campbell mansion, as Allen instantly recognized it. The same mansion he had seen in Nea's memories, except now he was seeing his own. That was the very moment when their memories had started to entwine.

"This is... our first stop. I can't believe I'm seeing it up close like this." The building was so close, he could practically touch its walls. Allen wasn't afraid this time. His doubts seemed to be long gone. Up until now, he had been aware that by getting closer to the mansion, he would destroy himself. But this time, he had a guide that he could trust.

  
"At first, I came here only for research purposes," the redhead began his story, gaining Allen's full attention. Silver eyes automatically turned to him, studying his every move, his posture, the expression on his face. "A few years before the war between the Noah and Innocence broke out again."

  
"Research purposes? What were you looking for?"

  
"Scientific refferences... historic references. This place in itself seemed a mystery. 'Why', you might ask. But that is a question I won't be answering just yet." Noticing one suspicious glance from his younger self didn't stop him from casually going on with his story. He pushed the front door open and guided Allen inside.

  
As the scenery suggested, they had arrived sometime after breakfast. Allen observed how another scene steadily played before his eyes. The welcoming athmosphere of the house slowly took him in and he stared, fascinated by the people and their lively voices. His eyes, however, instinctively moved around the room, searching for that one specific person.

  
"He wasn't here at that time. Only Mana and Katerina greeted me. Spent time with me, showing me around, telling me to make myself at home." The redhead watched as Allen's lips eventually curled into a disappointed frown, despite the fact that he was happy to see Mana... or at least, a younger version of him, and let out a chuckle, tapping him on the shoulder. "I met Nea later, on the same day. I was still wandering around the house, trying to remember where most of the rooms were located." He lowered his gaze, and although Allen couldn't really see his eyes, he knew he was flustered. "I... wasn't that good with directions, you see."

  
It took every ounce of Allen's being not to laugh at that. So his... problem persists since then? He looked towards his older self with amused eyes, as if he wanted to say he understood what the other went through.

  
"I found a door that seemed to be the one in the back. Around the corner, stood Cornelia. It's where Nea loved to spend his time the most. As I went nearby the tree, I noticed someone's presence - a figure I'd never seen before. A young man seemed to be sound asleep in there. I tried to keep silent as I chose to rest under Cornelia too. It looked like a good place for study."

  
The white haired only agreed that the breeze felt nice. He could see why both his past self and Nea liked that tree. Honestly, he would have liked to try sitting under it as well.

  
"But suddenly, as I was reading one of my books, I heard a voice from above. I've been found out. In less than ten minutes."

  
The whole scene seemed so peaceful and so fun to watch, Allen thought as he stared at the way the two abruptly started their interaction. He saw the redhead fretting around as a not-so-sleepy Nea shot him curious glances from up in the tree, asking question after question.

  
"It took us... around two weeks to actually get to know each other. He got used to my habits rather quickly and he found it interesting that I knew so much about the world. Although I must say, he didn't quite like the fact that I sometimes prefered to shut myself in the study room. He wanted conversation. About that..."

  
In a split second, they found themselves inside of the mansion. Another room the white haired wished he had known. He assumed it was the so-called study room that was mentioned earlier, as he spotted the redhead on a nearby sofa, reading silently.

  
"At that time," he spoke in a soft tone, nostalgia in his gaze, "I remember coming across an interesting book concerning souls. I was, if anything, obsessed to finish it. It should still exist at the mansion. My advice is, go look for it when you reach your goal."

  
"A book... about souls?" Allen tried to get closer to the desk where the mysterious book lay open, but was interrupted by the new visitor of the room.

  
The door opened slowly to reveal a somehow impatient Nea. He went to check on the books, over and over again, obviously trying to attract the other's attention. He came to rest on the sofa beside Allen, pretending to read a book he'd picked up earlier. Of course he got distracted after only reading five pages and gave up, placing the book on a small table nearby with a huff. He sighed repeatedly while looking towards the ceiling, unable to bear the silence anymore. He shot a glance at the redhead who hadn't moved an inch since he came around. Did he really not perceive any sound? Was that book really that interesting? A pout. He decided to stand up and get Allen to talk to him using a different method. It didn't take Nea much time to snatch the redhead's huge glasses away from him. A victorious grin appeared on his face when he felt Allen's body tense under his touch.

  
"Mmm- What is it?" he asked, and his voice sounded as if he had just awakened from a deep slumber. "Nea?"

  
"You're spending too much time here", he scolded, averting his gaze. "Won't you give me some of your time too?"

  
The white haired's eyes widened at the sight. At the words that had come out of his mouth. The tone had been a mere whisper in the end, but it was enough to make his heart flutter. He felt a tender smile pulling at the corners of his lips and turned to look towards his past self.

  
"He kept doing this on various occasions. Until had I formed a habit of taking my books outside to carry out my daily studies while talking to him. The mornings were fun, too. Nea and I would usually awaken around the same time of the day and would sneak out of the mansion to watch the sunrise together. Then, I'd go help with breakfast, while Nea discussed the plan of the day with Mana. We truly had so much fun!" The redhead giggled as he remembered every little moment, every detail about the mansion he'd come to love so much thanks to its warm-hearted residents.

"By the way," he remembered swiftly. "Do you remember the room you saw before you met?" As Allen nodded, he mentioned proudly "That is my room~! Don't you think it's pretty?" Reading the excitement in his eyes, even through the awfully thick lenses of his glasses, the white haired boy struggled to return it. But he failed as his thoughts ended up more like _Clean up your mess of books, they're everywhere-_

"...I liked the flowers and the cranes. They're neatly folded. Also the scent of the books is really calming," he allowed. At that, the redhead shot him a beaming smile, filled with satisfaction. 

"I'm proud of my book collection. If I could, I'd really let you borrow some more. As for the cranes, they're really special to me." He leaned in to whisper in Allen's ear. "Wait until you see Nea's- He's just terrible at folding them!" A snicker went past his lips as he remembered every time he'd tried to teach Nea how to fold the poor pieces of paper. Even Mana understood, eventually. But Nea? Nea was a walking disaster. 

The scenery changed quickly, and they'd found themselves in Nea's room. Allen knew it right away because of the piano that sat proudly near the large windows. He didn't seem too interested by it though, as he laid down on the carpet with his legs crossed, simply... struggling. The red haired man was right beside him, unable to stop his laughter as he watched over... whatever he was doing there. Allen couldn't help but allow himself to laugh too, the scene in its entirety was gold. He wandered if Nea could also see what he was seeing right now, from within him. He'd pay to see the look on his face. 

"Nea. That's not right. You should fold it this way."

From the looks of it, this had to be his 30th attempt. No signs of succeeding just yet. 

"I can't understand this thing at all!" Nea complained, huffing loudly. "But it's pretty and I want one... made by me, that is." 

"Are you sure you want this figure? We could make another one if you want." 

The suggestion was reasonable. But Nea refused with a clear "No" as he threw another deceased piece of paper to the wall. 

Allen looked towards his older self again, and as expected, he saw him wearing a disappointed look on his face. In an amused way. Nea was indeed hopeless, they thought in unison. Somewhere around the 70th attempt, a woman that the redhead referred to as Katerina came to check on them and call them for diner, and the room remained empty.

"In the end, he never learned. But it was nice to have him around me. We could joke together, laugh at our jokes, experiment various new things. In a word, we were comfortable with one another, as much as he'd allow me near him at any time of the day. When Timcanpy came around, everything became even more exciting for all of us. And when Nea discovered he had a recording function, well... he'd always sneak around me when I was sleeping or when I was 'lost in my world' to record me. He'd tease me for hours afterwards, of course. 

  
Impressed by the little peaceful story, Allen almost forgot about his need to ask any question. He was only reminded of the need when he felt the other's gaze shifting back to him. Waiting.

  
"Ah... But the war was getting closer, right? What about that time?" Allen felt a pang of worry in his heart after he'd asked the question. But his gaze was still as earnest as it was before.

  
"The war..." A soft sigh escaped the redhead's lips at the mention. "The war brought some of us apart and some others closer. Nea and I, for example, grew inseparable at that time." He wore a melancholic smile as he felt the past flowing though his mind. That bitter past of theirs. "The war had two evident sides. There were the Noahs, and then the Innocence. Each of them proclaiming themselves the Apostles of God. The Noahs came to the mansion right after Nea's awakening. I'd been there to witness all of it. He told me he had experienced multiple curious nightmares with ominous shadows and screams of agony. On that night, the worst nightmare came upon him. However, most of the Noahs never considered Nea to be one of their own, mockingly calling him 'the 14th', never once referring to him as an Apostle."

  
"But why?... And why did he decide to betray them in the end?"

  
"They mocked him because he was a completely new Noah. He had no memory whatever."

  
"A Noah... without a memory?" The white haired stared, perplexed, slowly accepting detail after detail and waiting for more.

  
"Yes. That's why he had to implant his memory into me. Into us. That was the contract we'd made. The bond of our souls." For a second, Allen thought that his past self was about to cry. "As for what he betrayed the others, well... one, because their views did not match, and two... because they'd lost control of their Noah while being attacked by the Innocence in the midst of the war. He didn't really have the right to choose. He only did what had felt right."

  
"Lost... control?" He watched in horror, waiting for the redhead to continue. The Innocence stirs the Noah. Makes it stronger. Makes the hatred stronger. And if that happens, then-

  
"They got swallowed. The Noah memory is not an easy matter to handle. It consists of the memories of however many people had awakened before your generation. Not many could remain themselves if the memories are stirred. Nea figured then that neither Innocence nor Noahs could be trusted. We had to run. To run until we had no place to go to anymore. Nea had to fight for his belief and for the sake of his brother, Mana. He ended up killing even the ones who hadn't been affected by their Noahs. But in the end, he still lost."

  
The white haired felt the color draining from his face at the other's tone. He lost. That means he died. His heart felt like it was about to shatter like old glass.

  
"He died by the hands of the one that turned out to be the most wicked. The one whom he had tried to prevent from taking over at all costs. The one who would then attempt to rob him of everything that was his own."

  
"The Earl..."

  
"The first Apostle. He has the power to devour souls. He would have devoured Nea's completely if I hadn't been there. Be careful, Allen. He might try again, and if he does, both of you will be lost.

  
Allen remained motionless in the void as he tried to find a place for the new information he'd received. It felt somehow heavy. He was scared. But at the same time, he came to realize that Nea wasn't wrong. He had to win. He had to help him win.

  
"I have no regret upon saving Nea," the redhead spoke again, from beside him. "I trust him with all of my heart. I believe he is the one who will eventually succeed in bringing this war to an end. But, as a word of advice. Never leave his side. He can be a real stubborn man. Stay with him. Do what I can no longer do."

  
Just then, Allen realized. Something was missing. A piece from the difficult puzzle in his mind was missing. He wanted to ask 'What happened to Mana back then?' But he couldn't. A noise came from far away. It was threatening. As it came closer and closer, it turned deafening. It felt as if his mind was breaking apart. He could hear any and every crack so loudly, his ears felt like they were bleeding. Something or someone wanted to stop him. From inquiring about Mana. Something or someone was angry at him for uncovering the secrets of the past.

  
"Seems like my time is over. I've been found out by the Innocence. I have to go," the redhead announced, slowly vanishing. Allen looked at him, helplessly trying to reach out, there were so many things he still needed to know. "Please, consider... what I have told you." His last words were barely audible in the terrible noise of crushing glass.

  
"Please... save Nea. Save yourself."

  
Watching the man go with half lidded eyes, contorted in pain, Allen fell unconscious in a dazzling light. Allen was unable to discern the last message of his past self. There were feathers gathering around him, embracing him, so soft and protective. Thousands of them. They were calling him back to reality, slowly erasing the memory of the vision he had just had. Like they did with any other memory they had viewed as unnecessary.

  
Soon, the pain was gone. There was warmth. But besides that,  
 _...what was left?_

-To be continued-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: I feel like Wisely. Ouch, my head. Send help.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awakened from his long dream, Allen felt like he had forgotten something of real importance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with chapter 4~ A shorter one today.  
> I feel like it's somehow vague here and there, but I managed to include the prompt of today, which is Medication/Poison QuQ  
> Everyday I tell myself I'm not going to make my boys suffer anymore. Well.  
> Well, look at this.  
> Enjoy! ^^

"I'm on... the Ark?"

  
Allen's memories felt hazy upon his arrival to the 14th Noah's room. How did he get there? He had no recollection of falling asleep in the first place. Also... what time was it? How long has it been since he had fainted? A short grumble left his lips as he struggled against his headache, against the urge to just lie there for a couple of minutes longer, with his eyes closed.

  
The whiteness of the room felt refreshing, he had to admit. It healed him of his distress. The first time he came here, he had been too confused and scared to remark any good parts about the place. But now, strangely enough, it carried a vibe that felt like home - a home he hadn't visited in a long time. It was bright and for some reason, it made him think of spring. He would definitely bring a few potted plants around to decorate if he had the occasion. Green suited this place perfectly, the white haired considered. It offered a touch of nature.

  
Looking across the room, his eyes fell on the large white piano. For a moment, he couldn't help but stare. It felt as if he had just had a tremendously long, detailed dream, but he recalled nothing of it. Not even the feelings it conveyed. The scenery of it. The people in it. Nothing.

Allen shivered at the first possible explanation of the dream. Had he lost control again? And if he did, what about the people who ended up being involved? Were they safe? Still, it somehow didn't make any sense to him. Had it been Nea the one who took over, he probably wouldn't be alive now. So then what could have happened for him to end up in this place again...? 

  
He found himself studying every single object in the room again and again, continuously looking to get a grasp on any event he'd dreamed about. He thought that if he actually did remember, he could change something. He could get help in his journey towards the truth.

  
His eyes returned to the piano once more. There had been a vague feeling lurking in the depths of his mind, telling him that he would remember some important details if he tried touching it. Right then, the song of the Ark came back to him, resounding softly in his ears, somehow distant. As if calling for him.

  
As he stood up from the sofa, his steps guided him towards the instrument. He stopped to take a breath. "Is this right?" his mind pressured him. The music stopped, chased away by the throbbing of his heart. An inexplicable fear built up in his chest, pressing him so hard, he couldn't breathe, his headache turned into an atrocious migraine, to just keep him away from something he presumably 'wasn't supposed to understand' in this life. Allen struggled. "What's there? Am I really... not allowed to know?" He felt the touch of his Innocence going through his body. Half of him wanted to remember, while the other screamed 'keep away', as if the poison and its antidote had fought each other to get the best of him.

  
But in spite of the pain, the white haired boy finally managed to cling to the piano as his legs gave out, one finger carelessly touching one of its keys. He felt a shiver going down his spine, followed by a comforting warmth. A warmth he'd felt a few times during his sleep. A touch of distant familiarity.

  
The moments from his dream, he remembered them all in that instant. The "him" from another time. His past with Nea. Their bond. Their promise. They came laced with his own voice singing along on Nea's chosen notes. 

  
Allen thought back at his conversation with the redhead. "What exactly was Nea to you?" he had wanted to ask at first, yet changed the question. The response would have come anyway, he told himself.

  
And it did come, in any and every possible form, making his heart jump with excitement with how genuine it felt. Right there, Allen felt the power to hope for a new bond building up inside of him. This hope came together with the excitement of a 'truce' between him and his Noah.

  
That time when they met, he felt like Nea didn't really want to see him. The one he missed and thought of so dearly as he gazed deep in the white haired boy's widened eyes... wasn't the 'Allen' from now, but rather the Allen from years ago. And Allen couldn't blame him, although the memory darkened his features with a frown.

  
From the way they interacted in his vision, it was painfully clear. Nea and his past self had been close, so close. As much as to merge their souls into one. Time had randomly decided to bring them together when they needed it the most, and then mercilessly rip them apart, turning them into simple strangers again. Except one of them would get to keep the memories and suffer in silence.

  
_"I wanted to help him. He needed lots of help. Yes, he had a sheer maturity, despite the fact that he liked to play dumb. His ability to analyze would sometimes exceeded even mine. But he needed help. Allies. People who'd be willing to go through hell for his cause. I was one of those people."_

  
What flickered in the redhead's eyes as he spoke... was pure fascination. Love for everything that Nea represented, and a genuine desire to protect him.

  
"We had to run. To run until we had no place to go to anymore." The severity of those words echoed through his whole being, cutting him open. The Noah of Wisdom told him one similar thing. That he will eventually have to experience the same horror that Nea had experienced 35 years ago - the horror of knowing there was nowhere you could hide.

  
_"He faught for his beliefs, but he still lost."_ Allen's eyes were now clouded by regrets. By tears he wouldn't dare to shed.

  
Taking a deep breath, he let his eyes slip closed. He had to move forward, he reminded himself. The mistakes of the past had brought about loss. He had to think of a new strategy. But most importantly, he needed to talk to Nea.

  
"Honestly," he sighed, tracing along the piano's form with his fingers. "I wish we could just come to an agreement." The need to make himself understood quickened his pulse, for he needed to act, but the previous events, the ones he came to experience, made him step down in fear. His hand rested on the piano for a second longer before he withdrew it, moving to touch the mirrors next.

  
Ah, those mirrors. The shadow was nowhere in sight anymore. The shadow he'd found ominous, a threat to his existence, the shadow that turned his life upside down, pouring oppressive poison in his veins and in others as well. They could have done so much better, he thought. If only-

  
...If only others hadn't poisoned his heart, leading him into believing Nea was a threat. They were supposed to save one another, not fight for freedom until one of them was no more. Allen understood everyone's need to be prudent. He felt the same, after all. But he couldn't agree to others treating him like an enemy when all he tried to do was help them. He couldn't agree to others cursing his existence because he was 'the 14th', and trying their best to make him be wary of Nea... hateful, even. His Noah... used to be his friend. One of the people he loved the most. He didn't deserve to be despised in the slightest. The previous war was poisonous enough for his heart. What he needed now was someone to cure the madness. A gentle reminder of _"I am here."_ With that thought in mind, he tried to reach him one more time.

  
"Nea. I may not be nearly as knowledgeable as the me you used to know." He held one hand on the mirror, while the other rested near his heart. "I've changed, I know. I have new methods and a new mindset. The life I lived up to this point wasn't easy." His eyes were fixed on his own silhouette in the mirror, waiting. He waited for a sign that wouldn't come. For Nea's approval.

"But don't hate me for that. Maybe there are things that I could do for you as I am now. Things I wasn't able to do back then." He exhaled softly, removing his hand from the mirror, bringing it back on the piano. The other hand remained above his heart, his pulse slightly quicker than before. "We have one common goal. And we do need each other. Just like that day."

  
One sound, then two left the piano. Allen's fingers trembled on the keys as he prepared to ask one last question. If there wasn't any response from the Noah, the white haired decided he would leave the room and go back to his world. To his mission. But somewhere in his heart, he had hoped for Nea to show him a sign. He wanted to see him. So much that it burned him from the inside out.

  
"So instead of slowly killing ourselves, tell me. Won't you trust me? Let me _trust you_?"

  
One surge of pain, then he felt hot. So hot. He could barely stand from the dizziness that was about to devour him. He needed to scream, but any sound had died out in his throat. He was playing with fire now, more than ever. A dangerous game, and he placed the bet. He put his life on the line.  
For just one last trial - an encounter that could change the outcome of all things.

-To be continued-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excited to read your comments, if you want to drop any OuO~  
> (Also!! I'd like to say a big THANK YOU to the lovely people filling my inbox with beautiful messages <33 You are the best!)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally meet, in order to decide their future. Although their doubts are strong and the loss makes their hearts shiver, will they overcome their trial?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  
> I'm here to bring you today's chapter! A bit later than usual because my ideas ran away from me and didn't really want to come back until earlier today ^^;;  
> Today's prompts are Loss/Doubt OuO And although I wasn't sure how to include them at first, I am pretty satisfied with how this thing came out :'D  
> Enjoy!!

Something had happened. He'd heard his voice. Allen's voice, gently calling out to him, telling him whatever he wanted to hear. He'd felt a certain amount of affection and responded with equal affection, seeking to soothe the owner of that voice. He'd dreamed of his past, of that insatiably sweet memory of his earlier days. Of the time when Allen and Mana were there. The simple moments that he loved so much. Everything was on point. The dream had been so perfect, he wished to return, even for the briefest moment, to his days in the golden plains.

  
But dreams are dreams and nothing more. The world he lived in right now was one stained by the blood of war.

  
"Nea!"

  
"Ah... he's calling again. The answers to his questions... did he find them out?"

* * *

Allen was falling. Faster, with every passing second, towards a world of only black and white. When the heat cooled down, he felt like he was drowning in the deepest ocean, left with no means of returning to his realm. It was fine, still. For he had finally gotten a long-awaited response to his calling. Doubt lingered somewhere in his heart, along with a persistent question of "What now?" He decided to overlook them for the moment.

  
Suddenly, there was a change in the air and he knew he was there. Eyes opened slowly, taking in the landscape as a whole. They found the same darkness. The same snow. Silence that would soon be broken by one certain voice.

  
"Calling for me again? Allen." Right in front of his eyes, stood Nea, wearing the same calm, affectionate smile as before. His golden eyes glinted in the darkness as they met his silver ones, piercing through his being. "I've been waiting for you."

  
Something about the way he said those last words made Allen's heart race with both excitement and a hint of fear. He was aware of the fact that their relationship was no longer what it used to be. The Nea of now, he was determined to win the war. Regardless of the sacrifices. And yet, Allen observed, there was a little something in his gaze that emanated loneliness.

  
"I'm here to talk, Nea," the white haired announced, tone steady, despite the tremor that had taken over his body. "About you and me." The Noah looked startled for a brief moment, but soon enough, the smile from before returned to his lips.

  
"I'm listening." Ah, his voice. He somehow sounded as if he already knew the reason behind Allen's visit.

  
"I used to fear you," the boy confessed, after taking a deep breath meant to put his heartbeat at ease. "I Thought of you as a stranger. As a being that was looking to destroy whatever I held dear. But now that I think of it, it's simply strange. I don't want things to stay like this." At times, he wanted to look away from those deep golden orbs. The way Nea sat there, right in front of him, listening to every word he uttered with such perfect attention while never once leaving his gaze was infectious to his power to focus.

  
"That look on your face. Did anything change since last time?" The Noah couldn't help himself and took a few steps closer to the place where Allen sat, chained.

  
"Yes." Such resolve in his prompt answer, Nea thought to himself as he waited for Allen to continue. "Actually, many things have changed. And I've come to a decision." The white haired trailed off, allowing his eyes to close for a second before facing the Noah again. "I'm planning to help you."

  
"Hmmm? Are you okay with it?" he asked, looking at Allen with concerned eyes for a second. "What about your mission?"

  
'We have the same mission.' He would have liked to throw those words at him, but his lips wouldn't move. Instead, right there and then, he found words that were more suitable for their situation. He wanted an answer. For the first time in forever, Allen decided to persuade Nea into telling him how he really felt about their contract.

  
"My idiot Master told me after you awakened within me... that your Noah memory was going to gradually erode me until I was no more. And again, by the time you were in control of my body, I met him in front of the mansion in your mindscape. He told me... that I carried out my duty as a host admirably. That the mansion was the place where I would face my end." His voice never wavered, although he could swear that his heart had stopped several times now.

  
"You did your best. And I thank you. You were of a real help. 35 years ago, if it weren't for you, I would have been-"

  
"But I refuse to just step down and let you do your number on your own."

  
That. That was close. He could have died right that instant. He'd forgotten to breathe, and the shift in Nea's expression made things even worse. 'Calm down. Breathe slowly. You can do this. You must do this' were the few words that kept him going. The way he said it might have been a bit harsh, but... he needed Nea to understand. There was no way he could leave him alone.

  
"Allen. You can't simply refuse something that is already happening." His voice felt different this time. It had turned cold. As if the Noah was doubtful of him. And so, so sad. Enough to make Allen believe that he'd made a wrong step.

  
"Wait. Hear me out. If it's possible... I wanted to ask you to let me stay. Wherever it is fine with you. Wherever I could be near you. I just want to stay." Fists clenched almost automatically as he followed Nea's movements, waiting desperately for him to say something. Anything. He wanted to fight together with him. Wanted the two of them to rebuild what had been lost. He wanted Nea... to have someone he could call 'friend'.

  
Nea sighed. Whatever had turned icy cold in his eyes moments ago was now replaced by worry. Genuine worry. "No, that won't do. It will cause you pain... if you stay."

  
"I know," Allen replied naturally. "But it's better than not being able to do anything at all."

  
Nea struggled not to roll his eyes. Allen had no idea, for sure, about the way he could break apart if he stayed. He had no idea at all. How to make him understand the reason why he had to fight alone? How could he simply let him know that Mana, who in this time was the father figure he admired so much... was not even himself anymore and they had to face him in the war? How could he possibly tell him that the Earl's memory took over Mana's body? Allen wanted to kill the Earl, just as much as he did. But would he, really... if he knew that he was wearing Mana's face?

  
"There are things that... I don't want you to see. To know. I wouldn't forgive myself if you did." It was the only thing he could say. He didn't want Allen to agonize. The pain of having to fight someone you hold dear is... simply unbearable.

  
"And do you really think that remaining on your own is the best option? You'd be completely... alone." Nea's eyes widened at that. Why was he doing this all of a sudden? Did Allen really want to push him off his limits? He was right, he was so right. He was going to have to fight alone. Cross was no more, Tim was no more, Bookman was probably dead too. And Allen. His precious Allen had died once and would now die again upon his rebirth. It burned. He was convinced that if he could cry now, the tears would really leave scars on his face.

  
"I don't want you to suffer any longer, Allen." He'd seen his memories. He knew it best. Ah, how many times Nea wished he were alive back then, to just destroy everyone who had treated Allen like... he was a monster. The rage he'd felt back then threatened to resurface, but it stopped short at the sound of the white haired's voice.

  
"But what about your suffering?"

  
"Ah-" Did Allen just read his mind? Just now, it felt like he did. And it made him feel nostalgic about the past he'd lost.

  
"Nea. I've been hurt and abandoned by almost everyone in this life. Whether they decided I wasn't good enough and treated me like I wasn't human before throwing me around as if they would a piece of trash, or they left me for a place they couldn't return from..., they eventually left me."

  
The Noah knew. Knew the pain that Allen had to face. That's why he'd told him to stop and let go, to let him suffer in his place, and yet-

  
_"Don't throw me away too..."_

  
A gasp. Something was off. There were tears in Allen's eyes, coming out in waves. Pleading. How weird. Nea remembered how back then, he cerainly said that he'd thrown away all of his doubts and resolved to fight. And yet right now, seeing Allen cry, crying for him, or maybe for them both, he felt... full of doubts. They backfired.

  
"Stop... making yourself into a villain when your motives are the right ones. It hurts. Saying you'll erase me to accomplish your goals... with a face like that! While your eyes are trembling, while your smile wavers! Would you really erase one of the people you loved the most?!"

  
"Allen..."

  
He was somehow different. That is, if Nea wasn't imagining things. In that instant, Allen looked exactly like he did years ago. He wasn't the puppet of the Order anymore. He was trying to reach him. To make up for what had been lost. Was it possible? Nea had no recollection of triggering his memories. He was certain that the white haired must have known something if he decided to come to him. But to convince him to this extent? It seemed like a dream. Unless...

  
Unless his wish had been heard. Unless they had made the same wish at the same time. They wished for each other.

  
"I ask you to trust me. Trust this bond once more. I am not a burden... I can help, too. So let me stay. Okay? Nea."

  
His legs moved automatically, bringing him near Allen. So close, he could literally pin him and do whatever he wished. And before he knew it, the chains were no more - he'd destroyed them, so that his Allen would be free.

  
"Come here," he called softly, while the white haired man didn't seem to understand what was happening. "Hurry up." Allen shot him a confused glance before he stood up. What was the answer? Did he agree?

  
"Nea-"

  
It was the most unexpected action the Noah could have taken. Something else was binding Allen right now. The Noah's arms pulled him closer. So close, that it was hard to breathe. His words wouldn't come out. But there was warmth, so much warmth, and he didn't want to move away. Now, more than ever before, it felt like home to be with one another. They sat still, in the middle of nothing, embracing, chest on chest, hearts beating in tandem, and there was so much longing in such a simple moment. And just like that, nothing else mattered. Allen let his eyes flutter closed, relaxing against Nea's body, feeling his scent mixing with his own. He felt Nea's hands playing with his hair, and a nuzzle against his shoulder. A chuckle resounded in his ear. They smiled. They had finally found each other again, after so long.

  
"Forgive me, Allen... forgive me for doubting you," Nea finally spoke up, breaking the silence after a minute or two. But he couldn't bring himself to let go of Allen. "The loss we'd experienced. The terror, the fear. They made me cautious of every move I made, of every person I allied myself with. And so, I ended up hurting you even as I was trying to protect you." 

  
Allen let out a huff, scolding words going past his lips. "Try protecting me while keeping me alive. You're giving me a headache, really."

  
A laughter filled with melancholy went past his lips. He'd missed this feeling so much. Being close to Allen, laughing with him like they did before. He was wrong to believe they wouldn't get along. And he even went as far as to call him an enemy. The thought left a bitter taste on his tongue. In the end, Allen was still Allen. With or without the memories of their past life, they could still make this work. They could win. Together. Be it Innocence or Noah, they could defeat them. 

"How is this?" Nea suddenly asked, letting his lips brush against Allen's forehead in the softest of kisses. Allen's body tensed for a second, but he giggled immediately after, leaning into the touch. 

"It's nice... Really nice." He'd make sure to return the kiss later. For now, he just wanted to enjoy the other touching him. The feeling of it. It wasn't new. How many times had Nea held him close like this before? "Don't stop yet..." he mumbled, voice needy. His mind flashed back to the dream he'd had, thinking of the beautiful interactions between Nea and him from the past, at how genuine they'd felt. Except, this was reality. And it was a million times better. 

"I'm not planning to stop just anytime soon. After all, I've missed you. Too much to even begin to describe." His breath was hot against Allen's skin. Surely, the white haired's cheeks were flushing red by now. He wanted more. so much more. He kissed Allen's forehead countless times. His eyelashes. His nose. The top of Allen's head. In a way that felt so gentle and so endearing, more than any known words could describe. "I've missed you... and everything you are." 

Allen didn't oppose him. A moment so playful and so intimate... he couldn't bring himself to stop it. Couldn't bring himself to stop Nea from showering him with affection through his quick, childish kisses. A short grumble left his lips by the time Nea decided to pull him back into his arms. But ah, how soft he felt. He couldn't stay mad at the Noah for long, as he felt a grin pulling at the corners of his lips, so satisfying, so fulfilling.

"You're mine... all mine." 

"I'm yours," the white haired admitted. "And you're mine, too. My past, my present and my future."

Once again, there was silence. But it was the most comforting silence they'd ever felt. They remained paralyzed in each other's arms, nothing and no one could disturb them anymore.

  
"So, I take your answer is yes?" Allen whispered, finally able to move his head enough to look Nea in the eyes.

  
The Noah let out a short hum of agreement as he gazed into the white haired's eyes. They truly looked as pretty as he remembered them, as if stars were resting there. "But promise me one thing, okay?"

  
"What is it?"

  
"When the things turn rough, let me pull you back. I'll fight in your place."

  
"I don't think I'd get the chance to refuse you, really."

  
The Noah tilted his head, sending Allen a questionable look. "You think so?"

  
"Trust me. Whenever you take over, I feel like I'm about to die." Seeing the amusement glinting in those golden eyes and the grin that had formed on Nea's lips, Allen pouted, as he realized that up until now, he could have literally died, crushed by the Noah. "Don't. Even. Dare. To comment on that."

  
Compared to what had been moments ago, the atmosphere of now was so cheerful, they almost couldn't believe it was true. They felt as if they had reverted to their old selves, always looking to tease one another and laughing until they couldn't stand anymore. It was a pleasant feeling that embraced them both. This one encounter,... Allen regretted nothing of it.

  
"I'm home, Nea. Sorry for the wait."

  
"It's alright." A smile. The most genuine of them all. His eyes were so relieved as they settled on Allen. Relieved that one of his worst nightmares was now over. "Welcome back!"

-To be continued-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOR THE LOVE OF FLOOF, I COULDN'T RESIST ANYMORE---  
> These past days, I rushed through angst and uncertainty and I wanted to let them meet each other so badly, and now finally... FINALLY! TTuTT My heart is happy.  
> I hope the ending was okay~ I must admit, I...went a bit overboard OUO;;; A tiny, tiny bit. But hey, I needed this, I needed this KIND of bonding between them, this kind of a "Welcome back" UwU I guess I could say bye-bye to platonic love, oops-  
> See you tomorrow with lighter stuff, asdnksgkjng


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As comfortable silence surrounds them both, they allow themselves to talk about their hopes and fears. Then, once again, they are united in music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~!   
> Before anything else, I'd like to apologize for the delay in posting, the thing is, I actually had an attempt of chapter 6 before this one, but I found it totally unfitting and as I reached the ending, I thought "Something here just doesn't click", so I removed the chapter and started working on it from scratch. And here is the redone version, finally, after a huge block, I am satisfied~   
> Expect serious talk with nice bonding~   
> The prompts for the 13th were Silence/Music!  
> Once again, enjoy!

They stood next to each other in calm, ethereal silence. It felt as if nothing could harm them anymore, as they allowed themselves to get lost in each other's warmth for a while. Allen let a small contented sound slip past his lips as he sensed the strong yet so soothing energy of Nea wrapping protectively around him. It was so funny and so ironic, he thought to himself just then, that he'd lived the past few months of his life fearing the Noah, believing he'd imprison him. Well,... he technically did right now, but it was the kind of prison that Allen would never mind. A prison of genuine love that he felt the need to come back to and never leave again.

Minutes passed one after the other, with no words, no particular movement, only their breaths following one another. 

It was Nea who decided he could no longer take the silence and needed to hear Allen's voice. A gentle tug on the other's sleeve and silver eyes were on his own.

  
"What is it, Nea?"

  
"I was just thinking how grateful I am to this turn of events. I'm glad you're here," he confessed, a wide smile blooming on his face. "And also..."

  
"Also?"

  
"I'm glad my dream came true somehow." Allen's eyes widened at the statement. Dream? What kind of dream? Did he mean dream as in "wish" or something else? Before he had the chance to ask his question, the answer found its way to him.

  
"In my dream, we were together, like we used to be. Doing all the things we used to love. I saw the day we met each other all over again and my soul felt so happy. I saw our first few weeks together. I laughed at that evening when I locked both of us in my room and we folded cranes together. Well, mine were a mess and that never changed." As he talked, Nea noticed how Allen's features brightened slowly, with every simple word that escaped his lips. He was right. Their memories had connected through his wish. "There were moments I saw and couldn't bring myself to enjoy them. But it didn't matter. Because one special scene eclipsed all of them.

  
Allen smiled. He knew the scene Nea was refering to. Because their dream had been the same. "Is it that one where we sang together?"

  
"Yes. Exactly that moment."

  
"In that instant... I couldn't see anything anymore. I heard the song, your piano and my voice in perfect sync with one another and... tears started falling. I closed my eyes and my lips started moving, but no sound would come out. That song, our harmony, the embodiment of our bond. The gift you've passed onto me. It was so beautiful." The white haired smiled brightly as he remembered how the notes followed one after the other as Nea's fingers seemed to be dancing on the instrument. His sound was gentle. Passionate.

  
"You know, Nea..." Allen whispered, resting his chin on the Noah's shoulder. "I feel like there is one more thing I need to apologize to you for."

  
"Why are you saying this?" The tone of his voice just now felt so soft and so pleasant to listen to, it made Allen skip a beat. There was something undeniably melodious, and so, so sweet in the way he spoke to him, now and on their previous encounter.

  
"Because I couldn't recognize you back then. And seeing now that we were in fact so close just makes everything feel odd." He lowered his gaze, holding onto Nea with both hands. "I'm really sorry."

  
Nea breathed out softly, moving his left hand to stroke Allen's lower back, while his right hand rested above Allen's own. "No apologies. It's alright. Even if you didn't recognize me then, you struggled to find me out." Then, tilting his head so their eyes could meet, he added "And now you're here, calling me by my name, holding onto a few of our most treasured memories."

  
"And yet, I feel like I still miss some things. A lot of them. I heard the gist of it, but there must be more. That's why I decided to go to the mansion."

  
The shadow of a doubt darkened Nea's features, but he masked it with a smile right away - he didn't want to ruin the peaceful moment with Allen, nor did he want the white haired to believe he was unable to help. But ah, how he ached, how his heart throbbed the more he looked at the determination in those sparkling silver eyes, for he knew Allen wouldn't bear to find out one specific truth. A truth that will be forced upon him eventually, or so he believed.

  
"Just be careful, Allen. It's all I'll ever be asking for", he said, finally letting go of the white haired.

  
In reply to the tone laced with worry came a vibrant, faithful smile, and the reassuring words of "I will be fine, as long as we're together. Especially with how protective you are of me."

  
At that, Nea only nodded. He couldn't argue. He knew best after all, how much he just wanted Allen to be safe, safe from any danger. But that wasn't quite possible right now, he thought to himself. Allen was and still is quite stubborn, now even more than in the past.

  
"And I will do the same for you. The Innocence... I won't let it touch you ever again. So we can avoid incidents like that one from months ago."

  
"When you say 'incidents', what exactly are you referring to?"

  
"I'm referring to the fact that... you're not to be feared, Nea. This whole '14th' thing and 'having to kill the 14th because he's a Noah and Noahs are enemies' that the ones at the Order have pulled... it feels like they're not talking about you. It feels like they're obsessed with the mere idea of you being the villain."

  
It hurt. It put so much pressure on Allen's heart to know that only a handful of people actually knew and understood Nea. He wanted them to see the truth so much, so they would then consider helping him out too.

  
"They may be. But I'm used to that," the Noah admitted, the smile on his face turning bitter. "So much that I want to laugh now. Some of them are even trying to gain my trust. But I won't move an inch for them. They aren't even calling me by my real name." He stopped there, but thought to himself _'They don't even think about you anymore, Allen.'_

  
The white haired sighed as he remembered some discussions he'd heard while he was at the Order. If there were people trying to win him over, then it was most likely because they thought of him as an indispensable tool of war. An object to use as they pleased. There was no way for Allen to allow such things.

  
"I want to ask you something, still."

  
Silver eyes instantly moved up, focused, mind abandoning the previous stream of thoughts. "What is it?"

  
Nea's eyes flickered towards Allen's left arm, lingering on the Innocence on the back of his hand. He was an accommodator of Innocence, of a parasitic type even, yet he was willing to risk his life for everyone, Noahs included. What was he thinking?

  
"Tell me, how do you feel about this war? How did you feel about it before the dream?"

  
Allen blinked, not really expecting the question. Yet somewhere deep inside, he felt grateful to Nea for asking him, for letting him expose his thoughts freely.

  
"I was honestly... beginning to feel confused about everyone and everything. At first, I thought that Noahs were the true enemies. I thought they were simply focused on destroying. On killing as they pleased." He stopped for a second, searching for approval in Nea's gaze. The man didn't really display any sign of disagreement, only waited for Allen to continue, golden eyes filled with genuine interest in whatever feelings the white haired wished to convey. "But then, after a while, my convictions started to crumble. I saw that Noahs were... humans, just like any others. And I was even saved by them. On the other side, Innocence is..."

  
"Not entirely innocent," Nea completed, to which Allen nodded silently. He was not saying that the people from the Order were in the wrong, he used to be one of them and even has friends at the Order. Nor was he admitting that the Noahs were in the right position. No. He just struggled to find the right words to say that at the end of the day, some knew truths that the others didn't. To Allen, if possible, any human deserved to live a normal life, far away from wars and from the ghosts of the past.

  
"I believe that this war needs to stop. So no more people would succumb to the flames of hatred."

  
"Thank you, Allen," Nea whispered, lowering his gaze to the ground, trying to stop the tears from coming out, a smile on his face. "I feel the same way."

  
The two sides of this war, in the end Allen chose none of them. And just when he believed no one could understand him anymore, he found refuge with Nea. They were both fugitives, looking for a way to obtain a world of peace. They could see the good and the bad in each side, so it made sense that their points of view would match. And their past bond made their approach even easier.

  
"Of course you do. That's why we were drawn to one another back then." The words slipped on his lips automatically, setting Nea's heart racing with hope and adoration, even. The peaceful moment they shared, simply talking about their purpose, their fears, accompanied by nothing but the echoes of their voices and the snow, Nea wanted it to last just a little while longer.

  
And once again, there was silence. Allen found his way back to Nea's side and they both agreed to sit down on the white fluffy carpet of snow, watching as snowflakes fell over them, pure and playful, after getting bored of their curious dance on the night sky.

  
"I thought about this multiple times since I got here, but... I want to try singing our song with you again. Just like we did on that day."

  
No words could describe what the Noah felt just then. How his heart trembled with a need he didn't even know he had. The need to hear Allen's singing voice so close to him again. A need that set his soul on fire, burning with such intensity, and he didn't know how to stop it. Or rather, he had no means of stopping it at all.

  
"I'd love to try again, too. Right here. Right now." The smile he shot Allen made the white haired wonder how that would be possible.

  
But soon enough, sooner than one would dare to hope, the gentle sound of the piano slowly invaded the space. At first, it was shy, distant, but it gradually became stronger, flooding their souls with its warmth. It stopped abruptly when Nea observed how mesmerized silver orbs were fixed on his, lips unable to move. 

  
"How did you-?"

  
A pleased hum, then a knowing smile. "How, indeed."

  
From Nea's implications, Allen finally understood. The Noah was in control of his body and was now playing the piano on the Ark. In truth, he didn't even mind the idea of being controlled anymore, he knew Nea wouldn't do anything rush at this point. But the thing that he could hear the piano even in this state amazed him.

  
"Now will you sing for me?" Allen caught his breath as he felt the Noah's gaze on him one last time before the music made its way to his ears again, so soothing and so pure and so, so like Nea. It was his sound, even in Allen's body. The sound the white haired had loved so much. The sound he needed to hear. At times, the music even synchronized with the falling snowflakes around them, creating one magic, truly harmonious moment.

  
By the time Allen found the courage to open his mouth and sing, he felt surprised at the way his voice came out so much clearer than he expected it, fitting the song so well that if there were an audience nearby, they'd surely start crying. There was no hesitation in his voice, only genuine affection for the one sitting beside him, giving off a vibe that made him feel like home.

  
Echoes of his voice and echoes of Nea's piano floated in the air, entwined. A wish bloomed in his mind. To reach the mansion and with it, his goal.

  
And Nea heard it, loud and clear.

-To be continued-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if anything seemed repetitive, I checked and checked once more, removed, then added, I hope it came out well in the end ;;   
> The previous idea I had for this chapter is safe in my notes, it feels like a good one, just not fit for the mood I'm trying to set between them through this fic.   
> Expect a one-shot based on that in the near future, depending on my muses~   
> The next chapter is 60% done, hoping to have it up by tomorrow!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last few moments before their most important journey... This time, they're going together, and nothing could separate them anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  
> Bringing in the last chapter for the week~!! I must admit, it turned out longer than I ever expected. I'm not complaining, I just hope it makes sense and it's an enjoyable read.  
> The prompts of the last day were Reincarnation/Eternity. I may have, or may have not touched them, in all honesty, I don't even know :') I simply knew from the start that reincarnation would be a difficult prompt to touch, given the route I've taken. No worries, I have something in mind to actually use the second prompt too, but I'm not sure yet if it will be related to this story.  
> All in all, enjoy this last part~!

Allen hadn't realized at first that after all of the music stopped whatsoever, his steps brought him closer to the man in front of him, arms unconsciously wrapping around him, Allen's forehead pressed against his own. "Thank you," the white haired muttered a million times over. "Thank you for this moment. For being who you are, what you are. Thank you for being by my side."

  
Golden eyes remained on him, studying his every move, the contented smile on his face, the half-lidded eyes, the tears that once again ran down his cheeks. Except this time, Nea knew the meaning behind those tears. Happiness. Trust. Appreciation. Love. Those were the feelings that Allen was trying to convey.

  
One thing he didn't expect was Allen tilting his head forward and then, slowly, gently lay one kiss, two, three, then more, touching every single one of his stigmatas in such a ceremonious manner. Heart thumped in Nea's chest, faster, at speeds he couldn't even keep up with anymore, and ah, how he wished he could bring himself to say any word, but it was just impossible. Impossible when Allen was so close to him, brushing kiss after kiss, just like Nea had done to him before.

  
"The last two verses of the song," Allen finally spoke, as he took a few steps back. "They say _Please give this child love... and a kiss on the joined hands._ " With that, he took Nea's hand in his, fingers naturally entwined. And bringing their joined hands to his lips, he pressed yet another soft kiss that lingered. "I promised myself that I will definitely return the kisses from back then," the white haired confessed, a fond smile spreading on his face. "I thought the moment was fitting."

  
"It was..." Nea muttered, taken aback by how beautiful Allen looked right now, by the way his eyes shone as if they were gemstones. Allen was so beautiful, so precious and so close to him. And most importantly, he was on his side. "From now on, I'll watch over you. I'll protect you no matter what. I will never leave you alone, ever," he promised, watching as Allen's features instantly brightened.

  
"And I will do the same for you. We are in this together."

  
A smile filled with gratitude, a little reminder of "We will meet again really soon", and then, slowly, the dream world began to fade, as a signal that Allen had to go back to reality. The time seemed to be smiling at him. As limited as he thought it would be, as crude and unforgiving as he perceived it, the time was currently embracing him. Right there, with Nea, Allen dared to believe in eternity. In an eternity flooded by good.

* * *

Silver eyes fluttered open, taking in all of the large, welcoming room. The gentle sound of the piano still echoed in his mind, distant, yet so soothing, so serene.  
For a second, Allen thought he'd heard birds chirping nearby, a sound he wouldn't have thought he would get to hear in such a silent space. The world of the Ark offered him an undeniable feeling of peace.

  
He realized after a while that something was certainly different from what he remembered before falling asleep. He was resting on the couch, comfortably curled up under a soft blanket. His shoes had also been taken off, which made him startle for a moment before he noticed them near the couch. Ah, how he didn't want to move just yet. But the need to get up and check on the situation, both on the Ark and outside got the better of him.

  
As he sat up swiftly, he felt one sudden pang in the back of his head. One thing Allen wasn't glad to experience again upon his awakening was the headache, but he felt grateful, for it was much lighter than before. The floor, which Allen thought would feel cold to touch, had just the right temperature. It didn't take long until he was ready to go out.

  
He wasn't alone, as one of the mirrors soon told him. Right beside him, resting with both arms around his neck, was Nea. The real Nea, not a mere shadow anymore. The Noah noticed Allen's stare and shot him a reassuring smile, nodding playfully. It was then that Allen observed a row of stigmatas appearing on his own forehead. The wounds... they weren't fresh anymore. Nea had kept him away from the worst possible pain, showing him a fulfilling, beautiful dream instead.

  
A sudden reaction from Crowned Clown, which up until now had kept unusually silent, made Allen worry about his current appearance. He sent helpless glances at Nea, silently asking him to hide the stigmatas from his forehead. Allen had no idea how to hide them himself just yet.

  
He startled when he heard the familiar voice of the Noah somewhere in the back of his mind, loud and clear. It felt so close. It was so peaceful.  
"I forgot to tell you before you left, Allen. As we are now, we've become so much closer, that we can hear each other's thoughts. We can also perceive one another's feelings. Quite convenient, isn't it?"

  
Although he found the statement hard to believe for the first few moments, Allen nodded in agreement. This change might be for the better after all. If things were the way Nea described them, that would mean complete freedom to discuss various matters whenever they wanted to, the freedom to plan strategies together, and of course, be by each other's sides whenever they were in need for comfort.

  
"More importantly, how is the pain? Is it still bothering you?" He knew best how troublesome the awakening process was, and it really pained him that he couldn't really help Allen with it. 

  
"No, it's okay now, the white haired replied. "It's still there, but it's much lighter than before."

  
Nea could rest assured. He flinched a little as the memory of the pain Allen's body went through as he took over to play the piano returned to him. He was glad Allen didn't feel anything at that time. That pain is the worst of them all.

  
"Good. I was worried. When I took over, even if it was only for a few minutes, I felt that sharp pain once more. Crowned Clown wasn't really happy to feel my presence either, because it couldn't sense you. It did its best to silence me. I still managed to resist somehow, just until I made sure to let your body rest in a more fitting place."

  
Allen smiled brightly at Nea's words. He was grateful to the Noah for taking care of their body, so much, that he even let a thought of "Thank you for being so protective of us" slip his mind and make its way to Nea, together with a wave of warmth. The Noah perceived everything in a matter of seconds, and it honestly didn't feel much different than the actual talk. It all felt so natural that Allen feared he'd get carried away while he was in public, and would start talking to Nea as if he were beside him. In all honesty, talking to Nea really felt like home, but it could also get him in serious trouble.

  
"I won't get too talkative while you're surrounded by people. We should try keeping our ties a secret from anyone except for the people at the mansion, maybe."

  
"Ah-" He couldn't hide that he was quite surprised at the Noah simply reading his thoughts like that. In a way, it felt good to know you could get someone else to understand you without even using words. "You're right. Keeping everything a secret is the best option for now, since we don't know what might happen if anyone found us out."

  
"Exactly. But aside from that, you can call for me at any time." 

"I will," Allen announced. "I will call for you. Talk to you whenever I find a good moment. Spend time with you whenever I can. Even if we have to run away, I'll still reach out for you." 

  
By the time Allen realized that Crowned Clown had somehow calmed down and wasn't really against the two of them being together like that anymore, seeming quite approving of their bond even, Allen felt relief flooding through his whole being. Nothing compared to the feeling of knowing Nea could be safe around the innocence after the pain he endured. Well, only around his innocence at least. It was the first big step. Probably his Innocence had accepted the fact that Allen could not choose between it and Nea. 

Feathers took over his left hand, as if summoned by the flow of his thoughts. Nea gasped at the view, but he, too, eventually noticed that they were not there to hurt Allen for breaking the rules or him for being what he was.They were not there as an enemy to the goal he and Allen shared. The Noah felt sure that it had been Allen's untainted heart that convinced the innocence to follow and protect him from obstacles.

  
"Will you help us, too? Clown." His voice triggered an instant response. Crowned Clown wasn't fond of Noahs, really. But it was all for Allen's safety and for his comfort that it decided to overlook the slightly less ominous presence... If that was what Allen wanted, it could try going along with their plan. It trusted Allen's decisions... after all.

  
"Do you want to go?" Nea asked, interrupting the moment and silver eyes instantly flickered to his, widening.

  
"Go? You mean, outside? But I..." he trailed off, cheeks flushing just a little. "I don't know which door to use at this point."

  
Ah, yes, Nea remembered. Allen couldn't know the right way out of the Ark right now. He had unconsciously used it. Plus, he slept most of the time. It made sense he wouldn't know where to head to. He wouldn't know that Nea had created a door for him to use while he was asleep.

  
"But I know. Let me guide you, maybe?"

  
It didn't take long for the white haired to accept the offer. And although it basically meant that Nea could take over his body, Allen no longer feared the possibility. Because he trusted his Noah with his whole heart. And Nea trusted him, too.

  
He followed Nea's lead until they reached a door with no inscription on it. A simple door, like many others before it. Allen stared, squinting at the untouched surface, then sent a confused thought to the Noah, asking "Is this really the door we're looking for?"

  
The Noah let out another chuckle, reassuring Allen with a whisper of "Yes, I'm sure, I know every corner of this place, even those I don't want to know." He gently pushed Allen forward. "Go now. And be prepared."

  
At first, he didn't understand the meaning of those last two words. But by opening the door just like the Noah told him to, Allen found himself exactly where he needed to be. It was the place he had tried to reach, while being so afraid he wouldn't get to. He understood by now that Nea had moved the Ark somehow through the song in their dream. So that he'd help Allen with his mission, too. The golden fields hadn't changed one bit after all those years. What had changed instead, were the people. The mansion, too, looked like it had been renewed.

  
Before he could manage to take a few shy steps towards the large building that lay ahead of him, he was greeted by an unusual flying... thing, as it hit him right in the face letting out a sound he couldn't recognize. He found himself thinking that Nea had planned this outcome and groaned slightly. What followed after it was the voice of a child - a girl, he assumed, as he still had his eyes closed after the impact. The girl approached him fast, scolding the thing that had hit him with a high-pitched voice.

  
"Aaah, what are you doing, Urcampy?? Bumping into people like that! But wait,... this is-"

  
_'Did she say... "Urcanpy"?'_ A golem? Was it related to Tim in any way? Allen's heartbeat quickened as he kept listening to the sounds the golem made, probably apologizing to the girl. They were similar to Tim's, and yet... something was different about them.

  
Finally opening his eyes, Allen met the curious stare of the girl. She had short, straight, lightly-colored hair and wore a loose jacket and black shoes. One thing Allen couldn't miss was the girl's big round glasses. She held a book with both hands and seemed very eager to find out who he was.

  
"I'm so sorry about Urcanpy's behavior!" she said, taking an apologetic stance and then continued with a "There, you say sorry, too!" as she pushed the golem forward to meet Allen's gaze.

  
"Ah- No, no, it's okay," the white haired man insisted, rubbing the back of his head. "It was just unexpected, really!" Although still somehow confused, the white haired couldn't stop the urge to stare at the new golem. Something about it seemed familiar to Allen, as if they had met before. 

  
The girl seemed to be fascinated by Allen's voice and by his beautiful features as she gazed at him up-close. He was indeed a good-looking man, she thought.

"Um... I'm called Lucia," she started, slightly embarrassed. "We happen to be waiting for a certain individual's arrival here, but-" Allen anticipated the next question. He was the one everyone was waiting for, he felt sure of it. But who was it that informed them of his supposed arrival? "Is your name-"

  
"Allen. I'm Allen Walker, yes." The words left his lips on their own will, he thought as he watched Lucia's eyes sparkling at just his name. Soon enough, the girl was pulling him along with her, Urcanpy flying behind them, somehow interested by the white haired. Her breath became ragged after not so long, but she managed to call out to a woman named Joe, announcing Allen's arrival. More people rushed before them, greeting the young man. It all happened so fast, Allen couldn't believe it.

  
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Allen. My name is Joe. We've been expecting your arrival for weeks." The white haired startled at the affirmation. For weeks? He expected the road to the mansion to be long, but not _this_ long. 

  
"I'm honored to be here as well," Allen replied with a sheepish smile. "But, if you don't mind me asking, who told you I was coming?"

  
The woman displayed a knowing smile. "I had a hunch."

  
"A hunch...?" 

  
"Yes. And it got confirmed soon enough. By Bookman and Lady Katerina, that is."

  
Silver eyes widened for a second. Bookman was here, too... Of course he would be, he's the one who is probably the most knowledgeable person around. If he wanted more answers, Bookman, along with Katerina were the only people who could offer them. Nea hesitated, after all. He wasn't reliable as a source.

  
As they entered the mansion, Allen observed the architecture was slightly different from the one in his dream, but the scent that the objects of the house bore had been the same as back then. The decorations on the walls, the stairs, the carpets, the curtains everything else looked new, yet Allen felt some kind of an aura that was calling him home.

  
"They are waiting for you upstairs. Or do you perhaps want to have lunch first?"

  
He jumped at the sound of the woman's voice right behind him. Although his stomach was honestly begging him for attention, he decided to postpone the lunch until later, hoping he wouldn't get to regret it. He then followed Joe to the mysterious room. For some reason, he recognized the door right away - it was the door of his old room.

There was a mixture of emotions bubbling up in Allen's chest. Everything he wanted to know... about the war, about its sides, waited for him patiently, just a few rooms ahead. The moments he'd experienced with Nea in the past and even more, countless more, darker secrets. The Earl's secrets. The Noahs from the beginning. The Innocence's purpose. He had to obtain that information. In order to move forward and fight alongside Nea. In order to save the ones he wanted to save. In order to fulfill... Mana's promise.

  
"Allen. I'm here if you need me," Nea whispered, and ah, how gentle his voice had sounded in Allen's ears.

  
"I know." A contented sigh left his lips and soon, a smile had formed. A smile that said "Thank you for everything."

  
"The secrets you're about to discover, they're the burdens we had to carry long, long ago."

  
"I'm aware of that. But you are here. I know that we're going to be fine."

  
He felt Nea's warm embrace from somewhere behind him as he closed his eyes to take a deep breath. His hand rested on the doorknob, trembling. This feeling was so familiar, but this time, there was no room for hesitation anymore.

  
"We're going in together. How about that?" Another whisper. It was so calm and it pushed him forward. It made him feel safe.

  
A nod from Allen and the door to the unknown had been pushed open. Next time his eyes saw the light, they shone in the colors of the brightest sun.

  
"I'll stay with you. For all eternity..."

-The End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the ending is somehow cut, but I might come up with a sequel to this one, maybe not as long, but I will try and see. It very much depends on the crazy ideas I get, based on either assumptions or canon material.  
> I hope it's been an enjoyable ride and I somehow feel the need to apologize for not being able to do better in some parts. See you soon with another story, expect fluff for now QUQ

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment, I'm starved for comments and interactions with fellow fans~! Overall, this has been a pleasant adventure to write, despite the angst being there... lurking. I enjoy imagining their past and I might expand some of my ideas in separate fics in the future!


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